Anger management: Expert answers to common questions
Anger isn't always bad. But if anger is handled poorly, it can be harmful. Check out these tips from a Mayo Clinic specialist on anger management and anger management classes.
Anger itself isn't a problem it's how you handle it. Robert Zackery is a clinical social worker at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., who provides counseling and runs anger management classes. Here, he offers insights into the nature of anger, when it can be helpful, how to manage it, and what to do when you're confronted by someone whose anger is out of control.
What is anger?
Anger is a feeling of displeasure or hostility. In essence, anger is a warning bell that tells you something is wrong in a situation. Anger is an unpleasant emotion, but it's also a normal, healthy emotion. Anger is a natural response to perceived threats. Anger becomes a problem only when you don't manage it in a healthy way.
Anger involves a few different components:
- Your emotions. This component of anger involves feelings such as sadness, disappointment or frustration.
- Your body. Anger can cause physical signs and symptoms, such as muscle tension, increased heart rate and increased blood pressure as your body releases adrenaline the fight-or-flight hormone.
- Your thinking. How you think can cause or worsen anger, or it can help you cope with it in a healthy way. For example, your anger may be fueled by thoughts that the world is out to get you, or that your partner "never" does what you ask. A healthy response is to acknowledge that it's OK to be frustrated, and look for solutions instead of focusing only on what's wrong.
So it's not 'bad' to feel angry?
No, being angry isn't always a bad or negative thing. Being angry can motivate people to listen to your concerns. It can prevent others from walking all over you. And it can motivate you to get involved with causes that you care about. It's not knowing how to manage your anger in a healthy way that's a problem.
What causes people to become angry?
People today are faced with multiple stressors bills, drugs, peer pressure, racial conflicts, health care issues, war. There's a lot of stress in society in general and in our personal lives as well. There are so many things to feel threatened about, and some people respond in a negative way.
Most people don't just walk around feeling mad all the time. When someone explodes with anger, there are actually a lot of feelings behind that prior to reaching the boiling point. There's usually a triggering event something in particular that sets you off, such as a disagreement at work, being stuck in traffic or not being able to get through to an actual person on the phone.
Your personal history feeds your reactions to anger. That's why some people react so angrily to certain situations, like losing a parking space, while others take it in stride. You may have built up years of feeling unheard, ignored, sad, frustrated or disrespected. Also, if you were taught that being angry is a negative thing, you may never have learned how to express anger appropriately so your frustrations simmer and make you miserable, or build up until you explode into an angry outburst.
What are common methods of handling anger, and which is the healthiest?
There are two basic reactions to anger:
- Expression. This is the act of conveying your anger. Expression occurs along a continuum, from having a reasonable, rational discussion to erupting into out-of-control violence. It's the difference between talking to someone calmly and physically assaulting them.
- Suppression. This is an attempt to hold in or ignore your anger. You may think you shouldn't be angry or that you'll lose control if you let yourself feel any anger. The danger in this passive approach is that you may not protect yourself when the need arises. You may also become passive-aggressive, where you don't express your anger assertively or directly but scheme to retaliate because you haven't learned how to express anger constructively.
Expressing yourself in an assertive, not an aggressive manner, is the healthiest approach to handling anger. Being assertive means that you state your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
What is counseling for anger management, and how does it work?
Out-of-control anger is a learned behavior, so you have to unlearn it. It may help to get counseling or to take an anger management class to help change your response to frustrating situations.
- Anger management counseling can help you identify what triggers your anger, recognize that signs you're becoming angry and learn how to respond to your frustrations in a healthy way. Also called therapy or psychotherapy, counseling for anger management is done by a licensed mental health counselor or psychologist. It can be done one-on-one, or with your partner or other family members. Even people with serious anger issues can usually learn how to manage their anger better after eight to 10 sessions of anger counseling. Anger management counseling also provides an opportunity to explore what other feelings you may have going on, such as sadness due to depression.
- An anger management class is a course to teach you how to express your anger in a controlled, healthy way. It teaches you about what anger is, how to recognize your anger triggers, how to become aware of your feelings of anger, and how to keep your anger under control. Like counseling, an anger management class may be done individually, with your partner or family, or in groups.
Do you need an anger management class or counseling?
Not everyone who gets angry needs an anger management class or counseling. You may get ticked that your television remote control doesn't work and throw it across the room. Do you have an anger management issue if that's about the extent of your anger? Probably not. However, anger is a common emotion, and learning how to keep it under control is a challenge for everyone at times.
- If your anger regularly causes you to do things you regret, hurts those around you, or is taking a toll on your personal relationships, you can likely benefit from either counseling or an anger management course.
- If you have run-ins with the police, you physically harm someone, people are afraid of your reactions, or you try to intimidate someone with your anger, you definitely need help controlling your anger. You may benefit from an anger management class, counseling or both.
Can anger harm your health?
There is some evidence that inappropriately expressing anger can be harmful to your health. Whether you're overly passive and keep your anger pent up, whether you're prone to violent outbursts, or whether you're quietly seething with rage, you may have headaches, sleep difficulties, high blood pressure or digestive problems. There's even some evidence that stress and hostility related to anger can lead to heart attacks.
What can you do if you're confronted by someone whose anger is out of control?
Usually the most rational thing to do, if possible, is to walk away. If you stay, the situation may escalate into violence. It's important to take reasonable precautions to protect yourself if leaving the situation is difficult or impossible, and to not engage the other person in a manner that's likely to increase the angry behavior.
Source: The Mayo Clinic
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